If a Boy and Girl Love Each Other, What Should They Do?
  • Question:

    If a girl and a boy are in love with each other in a young age what are they supposed to do? And also what if they want to get married but are scared to talk to their parents, what is the best thing to do? A very common problem among our youth

    Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh

    Thank you for your question.

    In general circumstances, marriage is considered a sunnah (prophetic practice). One is encouraged to marry and start a family. (Rad al Mukhtār)

    In the situation where one fears falling into sin (adultery or fornication), then marriage becomes obligatory (wājib). One is recommended not to marry in the case where one is terminally ill, feeble or unable to fulfil rights associated with marriage. (Fiqh al Ḥalāl wa al Ḥarām of Shaykh Khālid Saifullāh Al Raḥmānī)

    It is natural when youth begin to mature, they have tendencies to incline towards the opposite gender. Enzymes and emotions begin to erupt. Islamically, the appropriate thing to do is follow all the Islamic rules of gender interaction, including adopting modest dressing, limiting unnecessary interaction, avoiding immoral discussions, refraining from any physical contact and being in seclusion together.

    It is also important to note that in many cases, the desire is prompted by infatuation and lust. This is not the love that leads to marriage or matrimony.

    That being said, if there is a genuine situation of two young individuals interested in each other for marriage, it is recommended that they respectfully and openly speak to their parent related to their intention of marriage. This can be rendered by communicating with the more approachable parent first. Trusted relatives can also be involved in the discussions. Caring parents will be understanding and help deal with the situation.

    One should understand that marriage is not a joke. It is a serious responsibility that entails time, commitment, financial obligations and other related duties. If the young couple is aware of these obligations and ready to take upon them, there is no objection in marrying young and beginning matrimony life.

    In some situations, there are cultural barriers, which have nothing to do with Islam. These cultural practices become an obstacle for a genuine, responsible young couple to marry in the best interest of safeguarding their modesty. In such situations, a little patience is required. Respectful and open discussions should take place with parents and elders of the families. Community imams who understand the situation may also play an important role in facilitating appropriate steps for the marriage to materialize.

    “Arrange the marriage of the spouseless among you, and the capable from among your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allāh will enrich them out of His grace. Allāh is All-Encompassing, All-Knowing”. (Qur’ān 24:32)

    "O group of youth, those of you have the means, should certainly marry” (Bukhārī and Muslim)

    May Allah facilitate success for one and all.

    And Allah knows best.

    Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Badat
    Hadith of the Day Imam
    Imam of the Islamic Foundation of Toronto and Director of Mathabah institute
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